Category Archives: Poetically Speaking
My ten year old daughter has just pillaged through her sisters drawers again and taken what she wanted without asking. She is arguing about not wanting to help unload the dishwasher, and in the same breath begging me to make her breakfast. I have had it! I yell out,
“You are so selfish!!!!!!!”
She yells right back at me, “I am not selfish, I am just acting selfish!”
This story is true. And now, I am happy to say we all survived our strong willed child’s growing up years. She is now 18 and getting ready to graduate, and go to nursing school.
When my daughter boomeranged those words back at me, it enlighted me to a deeper understanding of shame vs. guilt.
You see, guilt is something you do that you can ask forgiveness for.
Shame is who you are.
Our ten year old daughter understood this at such a young age. She would not take on the false image of living in shame that she was destined to be a selfish person. Instead she was acting in a VERY selfish way.
Shame is considered to be the swampland of our soul.
I am writing this post today with a desperate plea for you reading it to exam how you perceive your self.
How would you describe yourself?
The bible say’s you are made in the very image of God Himself.
He does not make mistakes.
You are a miracle, with so many gifts and unique strengths that the world is a better place because your in it.
Shame paralyzes you from allowing your true identity to come out. It is what blocks us from joy, fulfillment, and whole hearted living.
My husband, Eric just taught on this at our Friday night home church. He made the comparison of Peter who denied Jesus three times, vs. Judas who sold out Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. Both had shame and took it on as who they were. The difference was that Peter was able to walk away from it and follow Jesus again, while Judas took his own life and died in his shame.
If you are dealing with shame I would encourage you to shout out like my ten year old, what you are not. Replace it with the wonderful truth of who you are and then walk out and do the thing that is in your heart to do. Enjoy discovering the beautiful wonderful miracle you truly are.
I linked a powerful TED Talks about shame and vulnerability that you might enjoy as well.
After you take some time to dream, I want to inspire you to find a door that represents your dreams.
There are keys to open heaven here on earth, and there are keys to lock up what heaven has the power to lock up.
Have you peeked through a key hole as a child wanting to know what mysteries where hidden on the other side?
As an adult, you were then given the keys to open or lock up those same doors. You could pass through whenever you wanted to, and had the power to lock it up as well.
This is the same principle in God’s kingdom as well. As we mature we go from peeking into the promises of God to opening heaven and locking out hell. God is entrusting you with the keys. What doors will you open and what doors will you shut?
“Let your will be done as it is in Heaven!”
“Whatever you bind here is already bound in heaven, and whatever you loosen is already loosed in heaven.”
I inspire you to bring some keys with you while you pray each morning and start binding and loosening (opening and closing doors).
What doors would you like to close,
and what doors would you like to open?
I had a friend of mine tell me a funny story about her husband coming home after a hard day “at work. He sat with her at the kitchen table pouring out his troubles when their six-year-old daughter walked in and listened for a while. She interrupted her dad with this question; “Did anyone spit on you dad?””No honey, why?” was the dads response.”Well. they spit on Jesus, and then they whipped him like a gazillion times, then they stuck a crown of thorns on his head and nailed him to a cross.” and then she walked off to play with her little brother.The husband turned to my friend, “Well apparently I didn’t have as a bad day as I thought.”I still laugh about this years later, but the video I want to share with you might just have the same effect.
But I really don’t want you to feel that way.
I want you to see deeper into the real meaning of this man’s inspirational words.
His life is a profound example of the power of hope.
I am turning six years old tomorrow and I don’t think I will ever get to sleep, “Please dad just one more adventure in the hundred acre woods?”
My Dad looks like a Portuguese fisherman with his pipe and dark beard. When he smiles the ruddy glow in his cheeks catch the glimmer of the roaring fire near our rocking chair.
He chuckles, “Ok, just one more, we have a big day planned for you with treasure hunts and pin the tale on Eeyore.”
I did finally fall asleep, somewhere between Rabbit trying to loose Tigger in the woods, and Tigger rescuing Rabbit instead.
The birthday was a dream come true since Pooh bear is my very favorite story, and everywhere I looked there was pictures of him; from my cake, to the paper plates, and even my dress.
The treasure hunt ended in quite the adventure as well, since one of the boys (I didn’t invite) hit a yellow jacket hive with a stick and swarms of these devilish bees dive bombed all of us girls, as we ran screaming into the house.
Today I am 40ish and still have friends from Canaan. N.H. that facebook me about the party with the killer bees.
An unforgettable adventure.
There are lots of other things sweet and wonderful about Pooh bear and his adventures, that would benefit us to remember;
like the way he used his heart to do all of his thinking for him
since he said his brain was made of “fluff.”
I would like to share some
“Wisdom from Winnie.”
How about you?
What was one of your favorite children’s book?
Is there anything special you remember about it that still gives you wisdom as an adult?
It was just me and my sister-in-law sitting at one of Flagstaff’s favorite breakfast spots. My only objective in taking her out this morning, was to hopefully lift her spirit.
As I sat across from one of the most stunningly beautiful woman in all of Arizona, with a heart as big as the Grand Canyon, and a hole in it as large as it gaping cavity, I felt overwhelmed. You see, her husband passed away eight weeks ago.
He was vibrant, healthy, and mountain bike riding when he suffered a massive heart attack. With the holidays over, I just wanted some time to spend listening to her in hopes of placing a seedling of encouragement before we parted ways.
When she had asked about surviving the stages of grieving, I realized that unfortunately, I had become sort of an expert in the field. I had rattled off how after my mom died I couldn’t travel to Phoenix without bawling, but it gets better, and now we go vacationing all the time without any sorrow only good memories. Then trying to get closure after my dad past from the debilitating disease of Parkinson’s, or the restoration process that takes place after a rape, and then there’s walking into a room and seeing your spiritual son after his suicide success and his life’s failure.
how did my life’s story become such a tragedy?
It wasn’t until later that night my husband and I went to see the movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, that I became inspired to change my life story.
I am declaring to anyone reading this,
that feels the same way I do;
wishing your life’s work would be stored somewhere between the romantic comedy and adventure section on heaven’s bookshelf,
that I am rewriting my lines.
In the movie Walter Mitty has worked for life magazine for at least a decade, but never had a life of his own. He only imagined what he wished it to be, until one day. . .
(I will let you watch the movie and see for yourselves ;).
The bible say’s, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” and “Our tongues are like a rudder of a ship. Such a small muscle can turn the course of your life’s direction.” So I choose to change my speech from trauma specialist to LIFE adventurer.
I want to see beauty and splendor while tackling another mountain of challenge. I choose to see the good and splendor instead of dwelling on the dark and lonely times.
Don’t get me wrong, those scars we all carry from the chapters in our life when we thought all hope was gone, are signs of courage. You came out the other side and lived to tell about it. That is a happily ever after in itself.
Life is too short not to live it.
The motto they continually showed throughout the movie was supposedly Life magazine’s motto, “To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”
But while looking it up I found the original Life magazine’s motto,
“While there’s Life, there’s hope.”
Is there anything keeping you from running your own life? If so make a comment and I also encourage you to read some of my followers blogs as well. I got to read about a mom who has raised “disabled” children and transform them into amazingly CAPABLE adults, or my web-friend who journals through a life of clinical depression that turns my gloomy days into hope.
Maybe Blogs are the new Life magazine; “To see behind walls draw us closer.”
This is a picture of an old abandoned hospital.
I wrote this poem after visiting loved ones in the ICU unit,and after saying goodbye to a wonderful brother-in-law this last month.
I know I am not alone in sorrows, and would bet my new Dr. Who coffee mug,
that you have walked through some doors of pain as well.
I’m also betting my other cherished Christmas gifts, that you are also looking around for a light switch of hope to brighten the dismal room.
If so, I dedicate this poem to you 🙂
The God Chasers
I see your reflection in every life I touch.
Your beautiful bruised and scarred flesh,
speaks encyclopedias of knowledge,
I couldn’t hold up a candle to posses.
We are the God chasers,
rushing to every voice that carries your name.
Every miracle that rises out of lazy boy chairs.
like a hound dog on the hunt,
we breath in the weighty Glory of your presence.
I found you again in the hospital room,
crying out for a better way.
I discovered you once more,
filling in the shadowy void of loving husband,
faithful father, and vibrant friend.
We keep experiencing your Glory up on the mountain tops,
but really finding your soul buried deep in the hearts of
We touch you,
when we touch your beloved.
We see your reflection of compassion
looking back at us.
“Did you bring back my Glory with you
when you encountered Me up on the mountain?
Bring it here.
Touch me here.
Heal me here.
Because when you do it to my child,
you do it to me.”
Pamela J. Peterson
As I woke up the other day, I heard God as He leaned over to various angelic beings and pulled back a curtain that hid our world from His, “Watch and marvel, as mere men, with the heart of Christ, do extraordinary things.”
What kind of things can we do with an immortal heart of the God who stole the keys of hell and rose from the dead? Probably more than we can even hope or imagine! I believe we are heaven’s marvel comic book heroes when we trust not in our own strength, but the superhuman power of the Creator inside of us; helping us to leap over adversity with a single bound.The world screams help like a bat signal in Gotham city. The broken and hurting victims need help, and the crazy part is we were all created to want to make a difference in this world and to be part of something bigger than ourselves. There is a heart of a child living inside of you that wants to imagine great things for a greater humanity and have the innocence restored to believe we can make that change.
We all secretly want to be the superheroes, and the great news is every act of kindness and compassion we bestow on others is a “marvel” to God.This reminds me of the story of Bat Kid in San Francisco back in November. The Make a Wish foundation asked a 5 year old boy named Miles, who had struggled with leukemia since he was 22 months old (and is now in remission) what was his wish. “To be Batman!” was his unwavering response.
The entire city of San Francisco came together to make this wish come true. If you haven’t seen this you should watch it on you tube. While watching what 12,000 people lining a city street looked like holding signs of support for this adorable pint size Batman as he ran past them to apprehend the Riddler, I realized (besides the fact I just wrote the longest run on sentence known to mankind;), the powerful good we can do when we all come together.
Yes, this world has villains. But do you realize the power we posses with global communications and the right structure to overtake evil with good? When I looked out over the river of compassionate human beings, I saw a lot more than just one superhero out there. Now it’s our turn.
What can we do?
How do we unite?
What kinds of specific structures are already set up out there that we can participate in?
Miles could have never been bat kid if people did not rally around the cause. I am so sick and tired of hearing about another shooting in our schools, or loosing another teen to suicide.
Yes, I will agree hatred is a powerful force, but the power of Love and Compassion supersedes it!
I would like to know if you are willing to link together and save the day!
The definition is full of or characterized by hurried and energetic activity.
The reason for not posting is a pathetic excuse of this defining moment in my life.Last year was filled to the brim with book publishing excitement, catastrophes, and finally completion.Then there was the book signing voyages and a trickling of speaking engagements, with waves of emotions that had me soaring with pleasure, and then hurling over the side from nerves.And of course I might as well throw in the family dynamics of 2 engagements which means 2 weddings to prepare for this summer from 2 of my 3 kiddos, and a whole slurry of transformations and changes bustling around (or rather bursting in) on us.The last straw was more uncharted waters of blogging and not knowing what the heck I’m doing. Thanks to my illustrator setting up a new website, I am hoping it will put an end to all the glitches I went through last year before I gave up.
One of the fun experiences, besides meeting so many amazing and fun people along the way, was getting a few book reports e-mailed to me from junior high students who had bought Tunneling through a book signing or a benefit dinner for at risk youth. I thought I would post a couple because I think they did a better job explaining my book than I did. The first one came from a 12 year old girl at a Catholic school, who I was impressed with some of her observations. The next one is from a 14 year old boy that lives at an at risk boys home, that I have been able to meet with on a regular basis.
(1st book report. Part of her report was to write a letter to the author)
Set in Flagstaff, AZ this story is about a mother, Katie and her two teenage kids, Hallie and Collin. Deserted by their father, they pick up their lives and move to Oregon. The whole situation is horribly painful for Collin and he sinks into a deep depression. Hallie relying on her incredible faith in God goes on a journey into her brother’s eerie and horrifying nightmare. Find out how Katie and her children survive the challenges of loss and despair.
I really liked your book, Tunneling. While I was reading your book it made me wonder if we were thinking of the same things. Was the serpent a reference to Satan? Was Hallie’s experience at the waterfall her “baptism”? I liked how there were a lot of butterflies in the book and was wondering if they have special meaning to you? I liked all your references to Flagstaff. Your character Charisma reminded me of Gloria in Because of Winn-Dixie. Your book was very descriptive and the illustrations were very unique. Are you working on a new book?
———————————————————————————————————————————————(2nd book report)
This book applies to me a lot because I have done the same exact things that Collin did. He got all of his anger and resentment and sadness out in all of his pictures that he drew, which is exactly what I used to do. All the hurt in life that I said to other people “I don’t care what you do, it won’t affect me.” I actually thought that it was true, but what I didn’t know was it was all going deep down inside and tore me up and most of it came out in my dark, demented pictures. Soon, the pictures began to rule my life, not as literal like in the book, but more it my attitude about life. I soon after started to hate myself, everyone and everything around me suicide was always on my mind, and my pictures became darker and darker as life went on worse and worse. Skulls, druids, grim reapers, you name the evil thing, it was there. As he had to be saved from his own evil world, I did too.
I went spiraling down as Collin went through the floor under the piano. I no longer cared about school, damaged all relationships close to me and pushed the people that were trying to help me away and beat up myself in the process, ruining everything. I didn’t care if someone jumped me, or I got hit by a bus, or, heck, if the world ended suddenly. I actually wanted disaster to strike, so I would be free, and there would be no rules, and I would be free of hurts of people attacking me. It was sick, but it made me feel better in those fabrications that I wanted in my mind. Many times I thought about suicide, my mom or dad would walk in and hindered the action, otherwise, I wouldn’t be here writing this paper. I hated myself and regretted being born into the world. These things came out into my pictures that I drew.
Often people say “you are what you eat.” But now I say, “you are what you draw,” because when I drew evil things, it became a part in me, and I became a part in it. I began to act exactly the way my pictures did and exhibited, being hateful and atramentous ALL the time without ceasing. What I didn’t know, was that God hadn’t left me, as it says in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Too many people doubt this verse, so they never get anywhere; they just go with themselves when they don’t have to. They think that they are all alone in the fight that they are in, and they think that they are screwed. When they actually hit bottom, they get mad at God and get further away from him. But He doesn’t give up on them. He is always there, even if we don’t see him. He is always watching us, wanting us to come back to him. By me drawing pictures like that, I was inviting spirits to come chill at my place and ruin my life. It’s almost like answering the door for Godzilla, and offering him tea. It’s not a good idea to let them in. Your life will get ruined you will try to ruin other lives too, if you don’t stop it while it’s small. It will spread through your life like wildfire and burn everything in its path… if you don’t stop it while you can. The worst part is when self hatred comes in. For me, I didn’t want to ruin people’s lives, so I took everything out on myself and tore myself up inside. I still have problems with the hatred of myself, feeling not good enough for my real parents and blaming myself for everything that happened in my past. To avoid that, I give Him anything that could have hurt me. When I can’t give it to him, I ask him to take it instead… and it hurts, but he does.
How do you crawl out of your troubles?
In chapter 22 Hallie and Collin have to crawl out of the tunnels with their nemesis the great and terrible serpent constricting their every move. The interesting thing is the less they focus on their problems and the more they focus on what’s good, what pure, and what’s helpful, the closer they get to freedom and the smaller their enemy becomes.
Chapter 22 “Crawling Out”
Hallie towed Collin behind her, and they fled through the enormous double doors.
The tunnels began shifting and twisting, like a dirty rag wringing out muddy water and splintering rocks across their clenched faces. It was then Hallie knew the serpent wouldn’t let them go that easily. Flecks of red scales slithered between cracks in the collapsing rocks. The serpent encompassed the exact channel Hallie and her brother were escaping through and began to do what snakes do best: constrict. The siblings braced themselves against the dirt wall, but the wringing and twisting seemed to transfer inside their bodies and leave them helpless to make it stop.
They crawled through on their bellies, clawing at rocks to pull themselves onward toward an end. But no end was in sight. Hallie kept putting one torn-up arm in front of the other as she let her mind escape back to Charisma’s home as the red scales seemed to shrink.
She was in the backyard under the canopy that housed all those species of butterflies, from elaborate, blue shimmering ones to the common orange monarchs. As she watched all the flowers in bloom around her, two very tiny and delicate yellow butterflies tumbled around each other while fluttering through bouquets. Charisma smiled while pointing to them. “A flutterby is just like wisdom, dropping in on your life so gracefully, compelling you to follow in its path. One minute it enters into view, and another moment it flies away. When we study it and remember how remarkable it is, not forgetting its magnificent presence, it metamorphoses our lives, and we can never go back to the ignorance of crawling when wisdom has given us a much higher vantage point.”
The walls only trembled now. Had the serpent tired?