Busy, Bustling, Busily

The definition  is  full of or characterized by hurried and energetic activity.

The reason for not posting is a pathetic excuse of this defining moment in my life.Last year was filled to the brim with book publishing  excitement, catastrophes, and finally completion.Then there was the book signing voyages and a trickling of speaking engagements, with waves of emotions that had me soaring with pleasure, and then hurling over the side from nerves.And of course I might as well throw in the family dynamics of  2 engagements which means  2 weddings to prepare for this summer from 2 of my 3 kiddos, and a whole slurry of transformations and changes bustling around (or rather bursting in) on us.The last straw was more uncharted waters of blogging and not knowing what the heck I’m doing. Thanks to my illustrator setting up a new website, I am hoping it will put an end to all the glitches I went through last year before I gave up.

One of the fun experiences, besides meeting so many amazing and fun people along the way, was getting a few book reports e-mailed to me  from junior high students who had bought Tunneling through a book signing or a benefit dinner for at risk youth.  I thought I would post a couple because I think they did a better job explaining my book than I did. The first one came from a 12 year old girl at a Catholic school, who I was impressed with some of her observations. The next one is from a 14 year old boy that lives at an at risk boys home, that I have been able to meet with on a regular basis.

(1st book report. Part of her report was to write a letter to the author) 

Set in Flagstaff, AZ this story is about a mother, Katie and her two teenage kids, Hallie and Collin. Deserted by their father, they pick up their lives and move to Oregon. The whole situation is horribly painful for Collin and he sinks into a deep depression. Hallie relying on her incredible faith in God goes on a journey into her brother’s eerie and horrifying nightmare. Find out how Katie and her children survive the challenges of loss and despair.

Dear Pamela,

I really liked your book, Tunneling. While I was reading your book it made me wonder if we were thinking of the same things. Was the serpent a reference to Satan? Was Hallie’s experience at the waterfall her “baptism”? I liked how there were a lot of butterflies in the book and was wondering if they have special meaning to you? I liked all your references to Flagstaff. Your character Charisma reminded me of Gloria in Because of Winn-Dixie. Your book was very descriptive and the illustrations were very unique. Are you working on a new book?

———————————————————————————————————————————————(2nd book report)

This book applies to me a lot because I have done the same exact things that Collin did. He got all of his anger and resentment and sadness out in all of his pictures that he drew, which is exactly what I used to do. All the hurt in life that I said to other people “I don’t care what you do, it won’t affect me.” I actually thought that it was true, but what I didn’t know was it was all going deep down inside and tore me up and most of it came out in my dark, demented pictures. Soon, the pictures began to rule my life, not as literal like in the book, but more it my attitude about life. I soon after started to hate myself, everyone and everything around me suicide was always on my mind, and my pictures became darker and darker as life went on worse and worse. Skulls, druids, grim reapers, you name the evil thing, it was there. As he had to be saved from his own evil world, I did too.

 

I went spiraling down as Collin went through the floor under the piano. I no longer cared about school, damaged all relationships close to me and pushed the people that were trying to help me away and beat up myself in the process, ruining everything. I didn’t care if someone jumped me, or I got hit by a bus, or, heck, if the world ended suddenly. I actually wanted disaster to strike, so I would be free, and there would be no rules, and I would be free of hurts of people attacking me. It was sick, but it made me feel better in those fabrications that I wanted in my mind. Many times I thought about suicide, my mom or dad would walk in and hindered the action, otherwise, I wouldn’t be here writing this paper. I hated myself and regretted being born into the world. These things came out into my pictures that I drew.

Often people say “you are what you eat.” But now I say, “you are what you draw,” because when I drew evil things, it became a part in me, and I became a part in it. I began to act exactly the way my pictures did and exhibited, being hateful and atramentous ALL the time without ceasing. What I didn’t know, was that God hadn’t left me, as it says in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Too many people doubt this verse, so they never get anywhere; they just go with themselves when they don’t have to. They think that they are all alone in the fight that they are in, and they think that they are screwed. When they actually hit bottom, they get mad at God and get further away from him. But He doesn’t give up on them. He is always there, even if we don’t see him. He is always watching us, wanting us to come back to him. By me drawing pictures like that, I was inviting spirits to come chill at my place and ruin my life. It’s almost like answering the door for Godzilla, and offering him tea. It’s not a good idea to let them in. Your life will get ruined you will try to ruin other lives too, if you don’t stop it while it’s small. It will spread through your life like wildfire and burn everything in its path… if you don’t stop it while you can. The worst part is when self hatred comes in. For me, I didn’t want to ruin people’s lives, so I took everything out on myself and tore myself up inside. I still have problems with the hatred of myself, feeling not good enough for my real parents and blaming myself for everything that happened in my past. To avoid that, I give Him anything that could have hurt me. When I can’t give it to him, I ask him to take it instead… and it hurts, but he does.

 

 

 

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3 Comments

Filed under Poetically Speaking

3 responses to “Busy, Bustling, Busily

  1. It must feel very rewarding to know your book is touching and having an impact in a positive way to these and other young people… Diane

    • Thank you, and nice to be in contact with you again!
      Yes, it really does. When this boy sent me this book report I was overwhelmed and had to meet him. Even his mannerisms were like my main character I wrote about. I have really enjoyed getting to spend time with him and pray with him weekly. One other thing I have discovered is he is a musical prodigy like August Rush. My son, Jonathan, who had suffered all those years with depression and is now studying child psychology, is wanting to spend some time jamming with him, and encouraging his gifting in music. It’s funny when you write something you think is so obscure like a YA psychological thriller to inspire teens to rise above devastation and there’s really youth out there that relate. The craziest thing is when I was writing, God would show me specific kids hurts and how deeply He loved them. I would constantly feel him leaning in behind me nudging me in certain parts of the book exact words He wanted me to write to “His” kids about how much He believed in them and truly loved them. And now I get to meet them.

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