Up Close And Personal

Wednesday after school my youngest daughter drifted into the front seat and told me a boy committed suicide, and all the kids were crying. Leaning over I put my hand on hers and told her how sorry I am and was it someone she knew. Julie answered back, “no.” I then retreated back behind my emotionless curtain. Not intentionally, more out of hands that have been overworked and built up callouses through the years. Since my mom’s death from cancer in 2000 my son has battled with mental disorders such as depression and suicide; which has loomed over his life like a foreboding shadow. One year ago though,  he made a vow to never take his life, after watching me endure a broken heart.

Two years ago a 28 year old kid came into our lives needing a home away from home. His name was Patrick and He was a short fiery red head that reminded me of a leprechaun. He fought in the war and talked of getting married, being a bee keeper, and having his own farm some day. He called us mom and dad, as we talked for hours in the kitchen about life. He taught our youngest Julie self defense and gave her all his boxing equipment. He melded into our family like warm butter on fresh baked bread. Until last thanksgiving when he never showed up for dinner and I had found his body that weekend in his apartment. Suicide not only takes your own life, but also a part of the lives around you.

Now when Julie goes to school and hears the crying and sees the shock in everyone’s eyes over the frailness of life, the sorrow in her heart must reach out to the brokenness all around her for some sort of healing.

Yesterday morning while Julie and I were treasure hunting at garage sales together she said, ” I had the strangest dream. I dreamed Jesus had given me a tattoo on the inside of my wrist. It was His cross, and  on the cross instead of his body was a banner that read ‘Love never fails.’ And the crazy thing is my wrist is still tender like it was real.”

Fresh emotions began to pool behind my eyes as I explained to my daughter that the hurts she endured with Patrick’s death was still tender and being at school brought up that hurt, but Jesus wanted you to know the death He endured on the cross was out of His love for you, and when you feel the pain always remember What He did out of love will never fail you.

As I am reading over this right now my son has just woken up, he is singing and emptying the trash (without me asking him). My son has recently shared with me what a fantastic feeling it is when you look back on the darkest times in your life and even felt like God was not there to see what a lead role He really has played by protecting, forgiving and loving us through all of it.

I hope to inspire all of you this morning to remember no matter what you are going through

” His Love Never Fails.”





Filed under Charisma Speaks

6 responses to “Up Close And Personal

  1. I’ll be attending a memorial service this week for a young man I know who took his life last week. Yes, he’s a Christian…a diabetic Christian who could serve others, but struggled with the ravages of what his diabetes would do to his body & brain chemistry.
    We can so easily forget that “redeemed” sites not mean perfect.
    It sounds like you helped to carry another’s burden…in doing so you also made yourself vulnerable to greater pain. And, yes, those are the times we then experience what it means to have Christ help us carry THAT burden!

  2. By the way: need I tell you that you – and your family – are in my prayers this week?

  3. Your comments connected with me and touched me so deeply. Thank you for sharing. I agree that as Christains we still hurt and bleed. God is still a God who heals but sometimes we are still sick and to have God inside of another person that we have never even met reach out with understanding and love instead of jugdment is very inspiring. I will also be praying that you will find someone at the memorial service and connect with, touch and inspire like you did to me.

  4. I am so sorry for the sadness of your daughter and of you remembering another time of grieving….Diane… as a side note even though I am ‘following” your posts, I don’t think I receive notifications so I am going to try to unfollow and then click ‘follow’ again…Diane

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